You might say there’s a slight precedent for sexy video game characters. It’s been kind of a big deal for quite a few decades now. But Blizzard’s new first person shooter Overwatch is hugely popular, and with Blizzard’s typical excellent character design, nerds all over the world have been blessed with some seriously sexy digital chicks to ogle. Even Pornhub, a site recognized for its journalistic integrity in documenting human sexuality and other invaluable contributions to society, has been bitten by the Overwatch bug.

We’re breaking down the ladies of Overwatch on their “attributes” and doing the heavy lifting by finding the best cosplay for each character. Read on to find out how they stack up to each other.

Rating The Top 5 Hottest Chicks in Overwatch

(Click Top Right Arrow or Swipe Left to Begin Slide Show)

5. Symmetra

Symmetra literally alters reality by using an advanced technology called hard-light constructs, which utilizes photons to create physical objects. Which is a fancy way of saying she builds shit FROM THE FUTURE.

 

Image Source

Assets: 6/10

Symmetra is nothing too special up top, probably something like a small C, but her real draw is downstairs, in her godlike waist to hip ratio. Spin her around and it’s pretty clear… she got a donk, too. Hitting it from the back would be like looking into the brown eye of Vishnu himself.

Cosplay: 6/10

Symmetra isn’t the most popular character so she doesn’t attract a lot of cosplay, and few women could actually pull off her figure and make it look sexy. Bless this girl’s little heart for trying.

 

Image Source

4. Tracer

Tracer was a hotshot pilot whose experimental flight in a time travel machine desynchronized her from the flow of space-time. No, really. She’s cute under the goggles, the posh British accent is a plus, and her history as a time-travelling fighter pilot adrenaline junkie would put her in the “crazy bitch who fucks too good to pass up” category.

Image Source

Assets: 7/10

Tracer’s not too stacked up top, and it would be hard to tell under the armor anyway. It’s not like England is wanting for stacked chicks, either… you can probably think of at least one.

Assets 7/10

Tracer isn’t winning any awards for her curves but keeping up her pace on the battlefield (and through time) means she’s at least in a hundred times better shape than the land whales on your Tinder who describe themselves as having “a little extra weight.”

 

Image Source

Assets 7/10

With legs that could choke out an elephant and an ass that looks like it’s never seen a pint of Guinness, she’s the epitome of a spinner. Plus with all that running around she could probably use someone to pull that wedgie out with their teeth. Any volunteers?

Cosplay: 8/10

This one is a perfect storm of accuracy to the character + cute Asian girl + dat ass factor.

 

Image Source

3. Mercy

Mercy is an award-winning Swiss doctor dedicated to keeping global peace and helping those in need. But more importantly, she’s pretty handy with a long staff that has healing powers.

 

Image Source

Assets 8/10

Mercy is one of the most gorgeous female characters in the game. I mean, if you like blonde haired, blue-eyed, pouty-lipped women with angelic faces and the slightly innocent look. (And if you don’t, then who the hell are you? Get back to your Pinterest and Etsy accounts.)

Assets 8/10

Mercy is also clearly a solid D with a perfect teardrop shape, and given that she’s smashed up in that Valkyrie suit, she could even be bigger. Her ass is usually hidden under the flaps of her suit (BAD character design Blizzard, BAD). But when the physics move just right, you can tell she could probably hold a pencil between those cheeks. Or other similarly cylindrical objects.

 

Image Source

Cosplay: 8/10

Again, cute Asian girl is half the battle. Great costume is just a plus.

 

Image Source

2. D.Va

D.Va is a mish-mash of nerd boner bait. She’s a South Korean pro Starcraft player turned super kawaii mech pilot, complete with painted-on suit, cat whiskers, and adorable accent.

 

Image Source

2. D.Va

She’s basically engineered from the ground up to appeal to geeks around the world, but instead of conforming to the stereotype of the traditional submissive Asian girl, she’s pretty damn feisty. Which is a nice way of saying she probably has Daddy issues and would be a pretty damn wild ride.

 

 

Assets: 9/10

D.Va’s suit really doesn’t leave much to the imagination (GOOD character design Blizzard, GOOD) and she’s only somewhat blessed in the boobs department. However, the hips, ass, and thigh gap would be hard for any mere mortal to compete with, and she has the cute and innocent but somehow devious look down to a science. She’s like Helen of Troy in that her face could launch a thousand bukkake videos. That’s how the story went, right?

Cosplay: 9/10

I know what you’re thinking—super kawaii Asian character, gotta be an Asian girl getting the cosplay award, right? This one actually goes to a white girl who nails the shit out of the suit (and her banging body doesn’t hurt). We’re multicultural like that.

Image Source

1. Widowmaker

Was there any doubt about who would be #1? Widowmaker is the femme fatale of Overwatch. A gorgeous, deadly contract killer, with eyes that could kill on their own and a silky French accent to boot. Plus the spider-themed suit and murderous looks are undeniably sexy in a morbid way.

 

Image Source

1. Widowmaker

As if the goth girls in high school actually grew up to be efficient killers and didn’t just go through an ICP phase, get fat on Faygo, pop out a couple of kids with eyes too far apart, and settle in a trailer park. I’m sorry, was that too specific?

Assets 10/10

Looks: smoldering. Thigh gap level: Grand Canyon. Ass: could start World War III. Does it matter that her tits aren’t huge? There’s a reason that approximately 90% of fan-art about Overwatch is directly focused on Widowmaker’s ass.

Cosplay: 10/10

There’s a lot of solid Widowmaker cosplay, but this one’s pretty damn phenomenal. Oh, I guess the costume is nice, too.

 

Image Source